The effects of weak personal boundaries, and steps you can take to reinforce them and start living a better life with more confidence and respect!

What are personal boundaries?

If you reflect on your biology studies when you learned about cells-the living organisms that makes up the human body-you will remember that cells had a critical function.

Cells have to be permeable enough so that fluids and nutrients could come in, while letting waste and toxins out.

If your memory is very good, you'll remember the havoc that occurs when a cell is not permeable enough (doesn't get the nutrients in and can't let out waste so it becomes toxic), or too permeable (gets over-flooded and unstable).

Like cells, in order to thrive-have a healthy self-esteem, self-confidence, successful life-we also have to maintain the right amount of permeability.

Our borders however, are our personal boundaries.

Healthy boundaries help us to protect ourselves from others whose actions may serve to hurt or damage our self-confidence, while helping us to build and maintain a strong sense of self.

We get rid of the toxic stuff-the negative self talk, the negative comments others make, and let in the positive, positive self-image built from healthy relationships and interactions.

When we have healthy boundaries, our self-image remains healthy and positive, those around us respect us, and we continually grow as a result of our interactions with others.

On the other hand, unhealthy or nonexistent boundaries either allow us to become over-flooded with the opinions of others, or cause us to sit with our negative self-talk and increasingly toxic thought and behavior patterns.

Unhealthy boundaries:

• Enable needy, hurtful people to come into our lives
• Deplete our energy
• Damage our self-identity
• Lead us to feel "lost"-our true identity unclear and vulnerable to the negative opinions of others

Do you effectively manage your boundaries?

If you ever feel stepped on by friends or family, continually pushed to do things you'd rather not do, taken advantage of because of your generosity, or expected to always be the helper, the caregiver, the understanding one, etc., then your boundaries need to be further reinforced.

Following are some action steps you can take to more effectively build and maintain your boundaries, and thus get back on the road to a better life, more self-confidence, and greater self-esteem!

1. Identify your boundaries:

Where are you often pushed?

What are you no longer willing to do and what role are you no longer willing to play?

Make a list of at least 10 things that need to change.

2. Have a conversation with those closest to you (especially repeat offenders) and educate them about your boundaries-let them know what you expect from them going forward and get their commitment to honor them

3. Now comes the most important step-MANAGE YOUR BOUNDARIES! You will be tested.

Your history of flexibility with those closest to you will lead them to test your sincerity.

Remember: give an inch, they'll take a mile!

4. Know for yourself what you'll do when someone steps over your boundaries-how will you respond?

5. Know for yourself how you will handle those who continually refuse to honour your boundaries

6. Praise yourself each time you defend yourself, and you'll immediately begin to feel the effects of healthy, well-established boundaries!