Some considerations and immediate actions you can take to improve your relationships with those who matter in your life.

Do you pressure yourself, feeling you have to make every person with whom you come into contact like you?

That's a lot of pressure, wouldn't you agree?

Following are some key considerations to help you reflect on the costs/benefits of this perspective.

I hope they will help you learn that you can get more out of life if you shift your focus to how YOU feel about others.

Not everyone is meant to be compatible

That's just life.

Not everyone is going to think you're wonderful, just as not everyone is going to seem wonderful to you.

Different values, attitudes, personalities, worldviews, and temperaments mean there's a whole range of behaviors and philosophies-not all of which will appeal to you and vice versa.

The costs of "trying so hard" are steep, and only tend to grow

Think about the costs involved in trying so hard.

Does it feel good to be anxious about whether or not others will like you?

For each person with whom you come in contact, think about it.

And, once someone does like you, does your anxiety go away or does it somehow escalate-based on your worry that they might change their mind at some point?

If your anxiety doesn't get better, and only seems to get worse, then you need to consider what percent of your day is spent worrying about what others think, rather than focused on you-on living your life and enjoying who you are!

The "true" friend may get lost in the muck

If you're an "equal opportunity convincer," chances are you'll miss your golden opportunity to recognize the true friend standing right in front of you.

Chances are you might even work harder to convince those who wouldn't know how to be a true friend if you gave them a one-page handbook!

The one who does accept and like you for who you are may get lost in the muck, and because he or she already likes you as you are, you may not spend as much energy and time developing that relationship because you're focused on others who you feel need the convincing.

So given all of the above, what are some things you can do right now to change your perspective?

I'm glad you asked!

Following are three steps you can take to begin to improve your confidence with the people in your life:

Establish your foundation:

Who are you?

What do you like about yourself?

What do you expect and admire in others?

Exercise:

Make a list of your values-what's most important to you and in what form do these currently exist in your life?

Make a list of your best qualities/personal traits

Make a list of the qualities you admire in others

Prioritize both lists and identify where are they the same/different from your traits?

Take inventory:

Review the characteristics of those you consider "friends" currently in your life-do they match up to your criteria?

If they do, how can you begin to focus on and nurture those relationships?

Exercise:

Make a list of your current friends-put a star by those who meet the admirable traits criteria to which you assigned high priority

For each individual, identify 3 ways you can nurture this relationship and develop a stronger bond with this person

Clean House:

For the ones who don't meet your criteria, what's your response?

I'll give you one guess, it's not to change your criteria!

Exercise:

Figure out what you need, then schedule a time to meet with that person, and ask for it

If they can't give it to you, make a commitment to yourself to move on and only spend your precious time and energy on those who can give you what you need.

Good luck and remember, life is short-don't waste your time and energy on those who can't help you grow!