Words of wisdom for confidently interacting with your in-laws.

Everyone knows that "in-laws" can sometimes be the most challenging people we'll ever meet, and often have to tolerate, in our lives (Sorry "in-laws").

So, aside from moving to another country, would you like to know how you can confidently interact, while retaining your sanity, with your "in-laws?"

I thought you might, so I've outlined several tips for how you can do just that!

Know when to let it go

When you become a parent, you'll discover that all of a sudden it's as if no one else is good enough for your little one.

And when the precious baby you raised, who's "goo goos" once lit up your world, is now dating or married, somehow you just won't be able to imagine that this stranger's goo goos were quite as adorable.

All this to say, recognize that you could be superwoman, and it still won't be enough to match the illusion of perfection mom and dad in-law might have of their precious darling.

With that, realize that it's an uphill battle with no downhill.

So pick your battles, and the rest?

Let it go.

"Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do, is be silent."

Know when to take 'em on

So, when do you take 'em on?

Just as you would assert yourself should someone else step over your boundaries and take a pot shot at your self-image or self-confidence, same rules apply here.

Manage your boundaries with your in-laws just as you would with others.

Just because they gave birth to the best thing since sliced bread doesn't mean they have the right to trample you.

Assert yourself when you recognize your boundary has been crossed.

Of course, be sure to find the words to diplomatically tell them to "back off."

Claim your territory

So you're moved in together, and the in-laws are visiting.

Take it from me, from moment one you need to make it quite clear-this is your castle and you're Queen or King (whichever suits you)!

Somehow parents have a way of being just that, parents.

That means, they may "offer" to rearrange your cabinets, tell you how and when to cook, what dishes to cook in, and whether or not your style of décor suits the particular flat, apartment or home in which you live. (I only wish I weren't making this up!)

Thank them for their suggestion, and change the subject.

Should it come up again, thank them for their suggestion, and then tell them you like things just the way they are.

Remember s/he's already yours

In-laws somehow have this way of making you feel like you're still a "candidate."

Should you begin to pay way too much attention to their opinions, remember this: he or she is already yours! Done! You've won the prize.

Don't fret about it. It's their job as parents.

Whatever you do, don't let them get in the middle

This should probably be #1.

Don't allow your frustration with the in-laws to interfere with your relationship.

It's easy for a perfect relationship to suddenly find itself temporarily "on the rocks" as a result of interferences from well-meaning (or perhaps even not so well-meaning) parents.

No one, not a friend, not a family member, has the right to interfere with your relationship.

Simply share your feelings in a non-attacking way with your significant other, and create a collaborative environment where the two of you can problem-solve together.

Be very aware of your tone-remember they are his/her parents!

Find something to appreciate about them

This might be hard to do, but it's very important.

After all, they did do a great job of raising your significant other, did they not? Otherwise he/she wouldn't be so lovable.

Find at least one thing that you appreciate about them, and when the going gets tough, meditate on it!

Prepare

Here are some important steps you can take to proactively handle your in-laws.

• Identify 1 to 3 things you can do to establish a positive relationship with them-ask your significant other about their interests
• Agree with your significant other on some language that will enable you to assert yourself, without offending or escalating the situation
• Talk to your significant other, and identify how together, you will handle the in-law challenge
• Identify where they push your boundaries, and how you can respond to them more assertively
• Develop a script for communicating what your needs and boundaries are

"Should you meet resistance, take comfort-it's a great way to build muscle"