Confidence with Your Lover/Spouse
Tips for expressing yourself with
your lover/spouse, and keeping the flame going.
No matter how much we love someone,
there are times when we lack the confidence to say what we feel,
to give honest feedback, and take action that we feel is right despite
a difference of opinion.
Following are some suggestions for
how you might communicate and express yourself confidently with
your lover or spouse.
Communicate from a place of love
Regardless of the situation-maybe
he's left the toilet bowl seat up once too many times or maybe she's
reminded you to do something 10 times within 10 minutes-communicate
from a place of love.
What does that mean?
It means you should reflect on all
the reasons why you love this person and let that be the context
for your response.
Does the toilet seat issue, for example,
really warrant the amount of energy you're giving it?
Find the right tone and express yourself
assertively, but lovingly.
Challenge yourself to list
100 characteristics and qualities you admire about your
When you find yourself slowing
down, replay the most wonderful, fun moments you've shared
to find more.
You may surprise yourself
by rediscovering things that you haven't reflected on in
Sometimes when couples don't talk
much, it adds intensity to the one time they do need to talk.
So, "honey, can we talk?"
suddenly becomes a very loaded question.
Couples who do communicate frequently,
have an easier time with those discussions, because "honey,
can we talk?" doesn't necessarily mean something terrible is
going to come next.
Express your amorous feelings frequently.
Don't assume your partner already
knows how you feel-it's always nice to hear it and can help you
continue to grow together!
1. Aim to share a kind word,
warm expression, or expression of your love at least 3x/day
2. Aim, every day, to ask
your significant other about his/her day-the highs, the
lows, the challenges, the dreams
3. Don't let things build
When you have a reaction to
something he/she has done, express it calmly and lovingly
then and there.
Don't sit on it until it explodes
as a result of some other, unrelated minor offense.
Really listen to one another, hear
their hopes, dreams, fears, concerns, suggestions, tips, feedback,
etc. and share your own.
Remember this: "Being alone is
scary, but not as scary as feeling alone in a relationship."
What are your current challenges
and projects as a couple?
It might be a new home, or
a new child.
Whatever it is schedule a
date to discuss your approach and each of your roles in
managing these immediate tasks.
Explore how you can make one
another feel supported, and establish a true partnership.
It's perfectly fine to have your own
aspirations and goals-you should! But, create shared dreams and
visions as well.
This will keep your fire as a couple,
Do you know what you are working
towards as a couple?
Where do your dreams for the
If you don't know, schedule a romantic
dinner or outing for the two of you, and plan your future together
starting right now.