This article has been written for men who find it difficult to talk to women or lack confidence when in their company.

I have also written a piece about what to consider when dating as well and the do's and don'ts as far as this is concerned.

Let's get to it!

Many men find it difficult to talk to women at work or in social environments.

Many men also find it quite nerve racking and feel uncomfortable in their presence.

So why is this?

Well, like with any stranger or people who you do not know that well, you could be:

• Scared of rejection
  
• Scared that they will not like you
  
• Scared that you will look a fool and have nothing to say
  
• All of the above!

This need not be the case however.

Like with everything in life, once you know what to do, it's easy!

Talking to women is not about me, me, me!

When you talk to women the last thing they want to hear is about you!

Be a great listener, ask questions and get them to talk about their favourite subject - themselves!

No for any ladies reading this article, please don't be mad at me for that last sentence!

Everyone likes to talk about their favourite subject whether you are a man or woman - it's a fact! No letters please!!

If you find it difficult to know what to talk about, go into every encounter with the objective of getting the woman to talk about herself until she asks about you.

So really you don't need to learn how and what to talk about, all you need to think of is questions and listen.

I believe that everyone has something interesting and fascinating to tell.

I heard a great quote that went:

"There is not such thing as uninteresting people,
only disinterested listeners!"

Sometimes when you meet a woman I bet you are scared of silences or you keep worrying about what to say.

Remember, communicate with the woman, don't just talk!

Rather than communicating with one another, many people just take it in turns talking because each is so wrapped up with what they have got to say that they don't listen!

Instead of listening, you are racking your brains of what to say next, usually about yourself!

The simple answer is DON'T!

Just listen, ask some questions, and then ask some more.

Communicating is about listening and the greatest communicators listen more than they talk.

The importance of non-verbal communication

I've said it before and I'll say it again but whether you look confident and come across as confident with women, or anyone come to think about it, will be down to your non-verbal action signals - your body language!

Up to 93% of all communication is down to how you move your body and what you sound like.

EXERCISE

Next time you are around a woman and feel uncomfortable or uneasy, notice how you are moving your body.

• How are you standing?
  
• Where are your eyes?
  
• What are you doing with your arms and hands?
  
• What is your posture like?
  
• Are you talking slowly and assured or shallow and high pitched?

Are you sending positive, confident messages out or are you looking like a scared mouse?

If you've said you look like a scared mouse, ask yourself "What could I do to look confident even if I don't feel it?"

Then write down your answers for next time.

You see, confidence is really an act. No-one is born with confidence, it is learned throughout the years.
It's just that some people are better actors than others!

Act confidently and your brain over time will believe that you are confident, you need to make it into a habit.

ACTION PLAN

Next time you need to communicate or be around women and you are feeling nervous about it carry out the following action plan:

1. Work out how you are going to move your body in advance.

• Keep eye contact
  
• Walk tall
  
• Head up
  
• Speak slowly
  
• Smile a lot
  
• Be happy

  2. Go into the encounter with only THEM on your mind. Don't worry about what you are going to say. Ask questions, probe and be inquisitive. Be a good listener.
  

• Get the woman talking about themselves
  
• Their opinions on things
  
• Their opinions on people/work

  3. Talk about yourself only when asked by the other person. And then link what you have got to say back into what they have just told you about themselves.

  4. Relax and enjoy yourself. What is the worst that could happen?

  5. Remember, no-one will remember this encounter in 50 years times!

How to get dates with confidence

It's funny how these tips below apply to relationships, and how men attempting to get dates also tend to either forget them, or as in many cases, they never realised them at all.

Here are a few tips.

Memorise these, and your value to women will increase 10 times!

1. Women love to be romanced, asked out, talked to. They hate to be threatened, controlled, manipulated, and not given the space and time to make their own given choices! Give them time and space, never pressure!

2. There is only one reason a woman would ever go out with a particular man. That reason is because when she thinks about him, she feels good, and saying yes will make her feel good.

3. It is not nearly as important, what a woman thinks about you when you are in her presence, as it is important, what she thinks about you when she is alone.

4. When trying to get a date, your attitude should always be that you want a date with this person, but you are confident that if she says no, it is no big deal, you will get another date soon. Have an attitude of "easy come easy go," but not necessarily so easy to give up!

5. Always remember that the more difficult it is to obtain a date with a specific woman, or in most cases, the more attractive a women is, the better you will have to be at your skills.

6. Asking women out is fun, once you master the process. Never get hung up on one girl that is out to make you a loser. Learn from your mistakes and move on. And never forget, have fun doing it, you will be much more successful and better off in the long run!

7. It's good to be self-confident but never put to much confidence in any one woman. She can always blow you completely away at the last moment! Likewise, never think it is over to soon, a woman can always surprise you and call you up to ask you out!

8. When attempting to close for a date always speak with your goal in mind. In most cases beating around the bush will make it much more difficult to close later. Don't beat around the bush with chit chat, take control by asking questions, get on track, and follow the process with your goal in mind.

9. When talking to women you could possible date, ask questions because:

a. asking questions communicates a genuine concern to the other person.

b. questions are the most non-threatening form of communication and they make women feel relaxed and comfortable.

c. her answers give you information that can help you overcome possible objections ahead of time.

d. asking a woman questions makes her feel important.

 

e. her answers tell you what she likes and dislikes.

f. It's always better to be a good listener than a good talker. Even a shy person can keep the conversation going with questions.

In addition to the importance of asking questions there is an additional way to make your questions even more non-threatening, to further relax the other person. It includes an introduction to any question such as, "May I ask...", "I am just curious......", "I was just wondering......", or "If I were to ask you.....". These beginning lines are good to use when you think the question itself could be considered a little threatening to the other person.

Practice them in all applications of communication with strangers, or people you do not know very well, and see if you can tell a difference in the responses you get.

Command Questions are statements in the form of a question, spoken for the purpose of inducing specific feelings by power of suggestion.

11. In negotiating anything, the one who cares the least always wins. Persistence is good as long as you persist with an attitude that communicates you care no more about the outcome than she does.

Women want romance and love from a man with a plan.

They want happiness but often are not sure what makes them happy.

Most women know exactly how to please a man.

Too many men are unsure how to please, influence, communicate, or impress women.

Always be confident you can make them happy, but only if they want it!