How to build your child’s confidence

We all know the importance of our early years.

They shape our beliefs, our values, the way we act and behave and probably most important of them all it is in these years in which our levels of confidence are built.

Here are some techniques and actions that you should employ to install confidence into your children:

The most powerful 3 words!

We all know what they are but how often do we actually say them!

The words “I love you” are the most powerful confidence building weapons in your arsenal.

We all need love and attention. We need to be loved as human beings as soon as we are born.

By saying this to your children, they know that they are loved and when people know that someone loves them it boosts their confidence.

Especially as they are youngsters, their need for love and attention is priority number 1.

So, tell them that you love everyday!

Be a role model

Demonstrate the behaviours that you would like your kids to have, as they always like to copy their Mum and Dad!

Show your children that you are confident by the way that you walk and talk.

A very important point to note is to show your children that you are not afraid to make mistakes and fail at things.

Make this a common trend, get your children to do things and if they don’t work out, get them to learn from the experience rather than see it as failing.

If this is not done early on in their childhood, it could be with them for a very long time.

Let them experiment

If you have taught your children not to be afraid of failure then letting them experiment with things will come easier to you and to them.

Obviously, you want to make sure that they come to know harm but allowing your child to try different things and to learn from the experience is a very powerful way of building up not only confidence but also trust as well.

Look out for them

I see a lot of parents do all of the right things with their children but still their confidence in no where near what it should be.

The main reason?

The reason I have found most often is the influence of other people.

You could be doing and saying all of the right things, but their teachers, their friends, other family members and the like might be destroying it.

Look out for the influences of other people and make sure they align with what you are trying to achieve.

Think before you open your mouth!

If you are going to say something critical of your child, think before you speak.

Take a deep breath and make sure that you communicate in a constructive manner that will not harm their confidence.

By treating them as a grown up and by explaining the “WHY” behind decisions you will get a lot more respect and will actually build their confidence.

A lot of children would like to think that they are an adult and a lot older than what they are!

Get them to show you what’s what!

So your children are busy playing with a toy or computer game that you’d need a PhD to understand how to play!

Ask them to explain it to you, how do you play it? What do you have to do?

This will not only improve their communication skills but it is a confidence building exercise.

They will be more naturally confident at explaining something they know and are good at and the more times you do this, the more times you feel good about yourself!

My child is a loner

If your child is naturally shy and finds it hard to make new friends, you need to create the opportunities for this to happen.

Get to know other parents and do things together, invite children around the house or take them all down the park.

If your child likes a particular sport or hobby then join a club or association.

Once you see your children mingling with others the process becomes a lot more natural to them.

It’s making the first move that’s the problem!

By manufacturing this move for them you will be exposing your children to more social skills and yes, confidence!

Praise goes a long way!

We are always quick to pull up our children when they do things wrong.

But how often do you praise them when they do right?

Even the smallest of things should be mentioned, nothing should be too small or too big to say, “Well done, what you did was great!”

Experience counts

At the end of the day remember that you are a lot older than your children are and you have experienced a lot more life!

Now I know I am stating the obvious but a powerful way of building confidence in your children is to pass on the experiences that you have had in your life.

Make them specific and do not generalise.

“When I did xyz I thought it was a bit scary but I did abc and afterwards I felt a lot better” is much more constructive and effective than “I’ve done that in the past, you’ll be ok”

Maximise your child’s strengths

We all get that feel good factor when we do things that we are good at and enjoy.

We are confident in our ability that we are going to do a good job and hence our self-esteem is high.

What is your child good at?

Find out what it is and let them do the activity as often as possible.

It is a great method for building up confidence.

The more you feel confident the better and then it has a domino effect for the things that you do before and after the event.

The feel good factor goes on and on!

Comparisons are killers for self-esteem!

Now, you will probably hear from your kid’s statements like:

“Billy has got an Action man”

“Billy’s Dad doesn’t tell him off for that”

“Billy can swear and that’s ok”

Kid’s love to make comparisons but making comparisons have a detrimental effect on confidence.

When someone doesn’t live up to someone else’s expectations or when someone is always comparing himself or herself to others and they fall short of this comparison, it has a very negative impact.

You should install into your children about being their own person and loving themselves for what they are – unique human being.

This goes for you also!

If your son cannot play sport very well, but your daughter can, don’t make comparisons, instead appreciate each child for what they have and for what they can contribute to the world.

Be positive

If you remain positive in all that you do, even when the tide is against you it will rub off on your kids and they will adopt a great positive mental attitude.

This is very important.

So how is the glass?

Is it half empty or half full?

Be together, play together, be confident together

Whilst your are their parents, you are also there as a friend and mentor.

Remember that whatever you do, your kids are always be looking for you to set the pace and show them the way.

You have a lot of responsibility in shaping your children’s confidence levels, but in needn’t be a daunting task.

Just by doing the basics right can lead to a confident child, one that wants to make a difference when they grow up.

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